Friday, June 5, 2015

Granny’s Unmentionables

Variety is (supposedly) the spice of life. American marketing gurus made variety an economic sweet spot by inducing consumers to buy, buy, buy. Get people to purchase the newest fashion fad, the latest gourmet food item, the state-of-the-art electronic gadget, and marketers are in economic heaven, translated into hefty paychecks and corporate profits.

There are a few of us who do not jump on the latest bandwagon. I am one of those individuals. My motto is: if it ain’t broke, why buy a new one?

And so a recent New York Times article on the latest fashion in women’s underwear caught my attention. Not because I wanted or needed new lingerie, but because I am always interested in the latest trends which will bypass my life and not shrink my pocketbook.

Many years ago a novel style of underwear became the rage – the thong. Not being young or trendy or willing to spend big bucks on a tiny piece of fabric, I had no interest in the new item. Furthermore I could not understand why anyone would place a narrow fragment of fabric across her private parts and consider it an article of clothing. Or think it looks good. Or feels comfortable.

Yet women paid money for a few inches of cloth that took the place of real underwear.

Fast forward a few years, and guess what!?

Women – including young women, the ones who spend lots of money in places like Victoria’s Secret – are buying what is deemed granny’s unmentionables - undies.

White cotton underwear, high waisted, that amply cover the buttocks.

The kind of underwear I grew up with.

The kind of underwear I wore for years decades.

The kind of underwear I still have in my drawer.

Along with white a variety of colored panties peek out of my lingerie drawer (a term used loosely. You would understand if you saw my drawer. Which nobody will. Ever.) None, however, are thongs or really skimpy.

I am a now a fashionista! An up-to-the-minute underwear trendsetter.

Of course no one knows I was ever out of style, until now. I do not broadcast my undergarment preferences on Facebook. I have never shot a belfie (a selfie of one’s backside) and posted on Instagram or anywhere else. Underwear is not and has never been on my birthday or holiday wish list.

I am glad, however, thongs are not the only undies of the in-crowd. It is inspiring to know models and actresses may be wearing more than a thong under their designer apparel.

They may sport underwear similar to the ones in my drawer. And I bet they are secretly thrilled not to be wearing a thong.

Thongs are such a unique piece of apparel there are articles on how to wear them. One two-part article includes information on Understanding Thongs and Wearing Thongs Safely.

Seems like too much work to me.

The only item of clothing I ever needed instructions on is a scarf. I would love to be able to tie the garment various ways, but lack the knack. I have a booklet but still cannot do more than wrap the fabric around my neck.

My underwear, on the other hand, needs no instructional booklet with pictures or how-to video.

I am glad the younger generations discovered the coziness and convenience of old-fashioned underwear.

I could have told them, but young’uns so rarely listen to us old folks.

Interestingly, young people don't come to you for advice.
Especially the ones who are related to you.
- Meryl Streep


  1. Sounds like we have twin underwear drawers. Basic and comfortable. Thongs were just a big male fantasy that women were dumb enough to fall for.

  2. I have worn the same style and brand of underwear (Jockeys) for decades, too. Nobody could ever explain to me the appeal of wearing a piece of fabric in my butt crack anyway. I agree with Marty: it was a scam perpetrated by the males of the species who would never wear anything like that themselves. :-)

  3. Grannies of the world unite.

  4. I've heard thongs described as dental floss for butt cracks. Never wore one gimme briefs for the comfort.


  5. As a male, may I say ... no comment!

  6. Wow, that makes me trendy too!