Sunday, April 12, 2015

Waist Not, Want Not

My girlfriend Joy needed sundresses for a trip overseas. Visiting Boston for a couple of days, we enjoyed a leisurely lunch and an afternoon shopping spree.

The historic district of Boston meanders along a 2½-mile brick-lined Freedom Trail highlighted by restored Colonial-era buildings and lots of restaurants, cafes, bars, and a plethora of shops. Crocs, Abercrombie & Fitch and other national brands mingle alongside boutiques and wagon kiosks selling everything from food and cheap souvenirs to expensive clothing and accessories.

Everything but snow! Thank goodness…our trip was in mid April after all.

The cold, gray, wet weather, conducive to remaining indoors, found us methodically browsing clothing racks in warm, well-lit venues. We got lost, rhetorically speaking, amidst the clothing racks.

Unfortunately it must not be fun designing attractive, stylish outfits for women of a certain age. It seems, however, to be a lot of fun designing for tall, slim, youthful bodies. Most clothes looked great on display, awesome on the young, and awful on us.

But determination reaps rewards.

Joy finally chose a couple of dresses to try on.

A few minutes later she exits the dressing room in what is known as the proverbial Little Black Dress.

Of course LBDs are not really little for a lot of us, but we won’t quibble over words.

The dress fit well, looked terrific, and was reasonably priced.

The cute, slender salesgirl, younger than our kids, smiled and said, “That looks great on you. You can wear a cute belt with it, something gold for a little bling…”

Joy piped in, “I don’t think so.”

I added, “No waist-defining bling for us, thank you. We haven’t seen our waists in decades. Finding our waist again would be like a treasure hunt…”

The salesgirl laughed.

I cannot remember when my waist and I were intimate. One day we were companions, inseparable, and then suddenly it disappeared. We have not communicated since.

I have thought about my waist over the years, but truthfully, do not have the motivation to find it. It is well hidden behind layers composed of dark chocolate, Starbucks Frappuccinos, white wine and Sangria, French fries and burgers, and other high-calorie, delicious foods.

Our relationship was a good one, but like so many relationships, was not meant to last.

But our memories are good ones.

Sometimes standing in a dressing room trying on an outfit, staring in the mirror, I miss my waist.

But I moved on to broader horizons. And stretch pants.

Waist not, want not. 


  1. The tricks our bodies play on us. I used to have a flat tummy and a round butt but things somehow got all turned around. Now i have a flat butt and a round tummy. If I had my old clothes I would have to wear them backwards.

  2. Where would I be without Elastic waists. Naked, that's where.