Wednesday, June 4, 2014

Slimmer and Trimmer in Ten Minutes

A new machine can make you look better – slimmer and trimmer – in just ten minutes. No sweat.

Not that you do not look good now.  But in America everyone wants to look better.

This new contraption wraps around the waist, bursts fat cells and shrinks the body in strategic places.

All in as little as ten minutes.

But clearly a body would look even better with a twenty-minute session.

Supposedly prominent and respected doctors across the country looking for a few more bucks to beef up their bank account use this gadget in their office, advertising (wrong word – doctors are not supposed to advertise, but what else do you call the publicity and propaganda?) a slimmer, trimmer figure in as little as ten minutes.

Following a few more sessions, the user will look noticeably slimmer and trimmer. Keep it up and a person may disappear.

At a minimum of $200 a session, that’s real dough. Dietetic, of course.

Rachel Ray previewed the device on her show.  The name alone sounds enticing and promising: The LiLa Strawberry Laser.

Huh!?

It is not recommended for the obese or even the overweight amongst us. It is more likely to work wonders, according to its proponents, on those already in decent shape who want to look even better.

Lose that teeny-weeny belly and trim the waist. An inch here…an inch there…and suddenly you are model material!

I am not sure what kind of model, but use your imagination.

I would be a marvelous model for sleek granny pants, an oversized top that hugs the hips, and a pair of sleek, sexy sandals with a high heel, as long as the pictures are taken within a couple of days of a pedicure. And do not expect me to actually walk in those sandals. Sit, stand up, and maybe turn around. Of course the photographer would be forbidden from shooting close ups of any body part.

Think about the possibilities and how this machine could change your life.

Forget about eating healthy foods, exercising, or any tiresome stuff that takes time and effort.

Shell out a few bucks, hop on a machine and watch the inches melt away.

Stopping by a doctor’s office every week or so could become a part of everyone’s regular routine.

If so inclined, purchase a LiLaStrawberry Laser and whittle away the fat in the privacy of your own home. The machines cost anywhere from $60,000 to $100,000, but what is another monthly payment for the next decade or two or three compared to the satisfaction of owning and using your very own fat zapper?

And if you get tired of it you can convert the device into a clothes rack, just like stationary bikes and treadmills.

Only this will be a more upscale, expensive rack – call it a wardrobe valet stand.

That will impress family and friends!

Unfortunately my pocketbook precludes a purchase of this machine in the near or far future. And, for the same reason, I am going to forego visits to a doctor’s office to be zapped. I have not checked, but suspect my insurance company will not pay for the procedures. And, although I admit this reluctantly, I have a few extra pounds preventing me from being an ideal candidate for this particular treatment.

I will have to stick with healthy eating and exercise.

If any reader opts for the procedure, let me know what happens. Send before and after pictures. I would love to see the results! 

6 comments:

  1. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but, machines to melt away fat have been around for purchase by gullible suckers since I was 15. I wrote a post a few years ago about a young woman I met in LA who smoked pastel paper wrapped French cigarettes, drove an expensive little red car, drank. And used one of these gizmos. She's still fat as far as I know and in her 70s like me.

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  2. I guess times are hard for the average doctor and they need to be finding ways to supplement incomes. My dental office now offers botox treatments so I know things are tough all over.

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  3. I think I'll keep my money to myself, Meryl. I also wonder who in the world actually spends that kind of money on these machines! :-)

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  4. Well, at least I'm laughing. And laughing, as they say, is the best medicine.

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  5. I'll take one! I just need to rob that bank around the corner first. . . .

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  6. Darn, we are all looking for that easy solution, no matter how irrational the whole idea is.

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