Friday, October 4, 2013

The Cruz-ification of a Continent


A TALL Tale
About the Creation of the Continental Nations

Following the Great Revolutionary War, whereby 13 various colonies of the British Empire formed an alliance, fought a war and won their independence, a Congress of the Colonies met to hammer out an agreement forging the 13 diverse colonies into one nation.
Many of the men at the Congress participated in earlier colony meetings and fought in the Revolution. Others were newly elected or appointed but eager to create a new nation.

Various factions quickly formed as the backgrounds and ideas of the various representatives clashed. One faction, the Tea Party, was very different from most of the previous meeting participants. They were not cut in the mold of the fiery Massachusetts revolutionaries who helped spark the revolution a few years earlier. And they were not cast in the mold of the Virginia gentlemen farmers who created lofty documents based on centuries old but still evolving democratic principles.

Tea Party representatives were intent on creating a nation molded to their image of a nation based on the unity, sanctity, and truth of their beliefs, the primary one being we are right all the time, no matter the topic, and if you do not agree with us, well then you are wrong.

It quickly became apparent the factions were not easily going to have a meeting of the minds. The single-minded goal of the Tea Party became sending home the pesky revolutionaries and moderate gentlemen. One of their groupies, Roush Lumberger, originally from Bacamoa, published a series of pamphlets urging colonists to write letters in favor of Tea Party positions and to boycott opposition businesses.

Representative Tommy Cruz, son of a Georgian and a Cuban, was the key proponent, organizer and executioner of Tea Party tactics. The Cruz Conditions of Unification was the only plan Tea Party representatives were willing to discuss. When an article proposed by opponents was voted into the evolving Constitutional document, the Tea Party refused to release funds to print new copies of the document with the new article inserted.

Contemporary observers believe one reason the Tea Party so adamantly opposed all ideas suggested by the opposition was because their unofficial leader was Bidziil (“He is strong”) Obamawitz, son of a native Indian princess and businessman of unknown origin. Many Tea Party members believed he should not be a representative because he was not of European blood (or could not prove it). 

Congress eventually dissolved amidst disorderly yelling and even a duel. No representative was injured in the pistol duel, but several bystanders were critically wounded.

Members of the opposition finally packed up, organized another meeting, and successfully formed one nation, the United States of America. Tea Party members, proponents of minimal government and local rule, decided to forego unification in favor of the creation of nation-states.

The Constitution became the major document of the United States. Most of the other original nations adopted the Cruz manifesto and a document written by Dr. Swissman, a Swiss businessman, titled Greed Economics and Health, a step by step guide to getting and staying rich(health refers to financial health, not physical health).

And so the Six Nations of the New Continent were born, the United States of America and five other nations.

Today, in the 21st century, there are twenty diverse nations, each with their own unique history, population, economy, and government. The United States is the largest. There are 20 other nation-states on the Continent, reaching from the Atlantic Ocean to the Pacific, from the northern border of Canada to the Mexican border in the south. Some are prosperous, others not so much. English is the primary language in most nations, some are bilingual, with various languages spoken in the other countries.

2 comments:

  1. Well done! A great history lesson for us to think about, because you know that thing about repeating it...

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  2. I don't like Ted Cruz, but one school of thought suggests Nancy Pelosi got this fight going with the way "her" Congress rammed the AFA through the Congress. Although I think there is some truth in that position, I think the Republican party would be better served to give Obama the clean CR he asks for. A clean CR will retain all the sequestration cuts. Dianne

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