Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Seeking Part Time Position as Corporate Board Member

A short news article caught my eye this week. Titled Pay for Wall Street Board Seats Rise, it notes that, contrary to the experience of most workers lucky enough to have a job nowadays, pay for board members of many corporations increased since the financial crisis. The pay for board members of financial institutions rose the most.

Goldman Sachs’ board receives the highest compensation of any bank. Members made, on average, $488,709 in 2011, a more than 50% increase since 2008. Much of the pay was in stock and not cold hard cash, but, barring another financial meltdown, the stock can, literally, be taken to the bank.

One significant advantage, in addition to exorbitant pay, of being a board member of a financial institution was mentioned in the article.

Board members do not do much.

That is right. These highly paid suits do not have to work hard at all to earn big bucks. Their obligation is to attend and patiently sit through a few meetings a year. Apparently new regulations regarding the financial industry limit the scope of power and authority board members wield.

High pay, part time hours, do not work hard.

I want to apply for one of these coveted positions.

My qualifications include the following:

I have several years of varied work experience and am entering my advanced years, although not so advanced that I have begun to lose my faculties, assuming hearing and eyesight do not count.

My years of experience include many in the financial industry, so a bored board position with a financial institution would be ideal. I know the lingo, am familiar with the big players, and witnessed a series of financial crises and scandals over the years. When another one appears brewing, I will sound the alarm. (Of course no one will listen, but early warnings are usually always ignored.)

I am white (except in the summer, when hopefully I display a splendid tan). I will fit in fine with my colleagues, unless religion and gender matter. 

I hope my religion will not count against me. I have no problem working with others of various religious persuasions. Just do not schedule meetings on Rosh Hashanah or Yom Kippur. 

I am a woman. I realize there are few women on corporate boards at this time, but their numbers are increasing. Although I am not as photogenic as some women or as young as some or as rich as many, I have much to offer, such as a sense of humor and an ability to sit for a long time, listen to people talk about dull topics, and not doze off.

I am not a protestor or difficult to get along with. In fact I am easy to get along with. I will go with the flow, vote with the majority and not rock the cushiony boat you guys all enjoy. Just count me in!

Board meetings are held in various cities around the country. I love to travel.

I assume refreshments will be provided. I love to eat.

What job could be better!?

I am available immediately. Additional information provided on request.


  1. Now that is funny and you seem perfectly qualified. Go for it.

  2. I'm smiling, too, although there is a tongue stuck in your cheek, MerCyn.

  3. Obviously you have found your dream job and you are totally the right person for the position. I am sure who ever it is that makes these decisions will see that.

  4. Yes, it is funny ... so why am I crying?