Thursday, August 18, 2011

To Abercrombie and Fitch--Pay Me

There has been a lot of news articles recently concerning the clothing company Abercrombie & Fitch and the actor on the TV show Jersey Shore (which I have never seen) called The Situation (I have no idea what his real name is). Apparently A&F is not happy with the fact that The Situation sports A&F clothing. The company has come up with a unique solution to the problem--pay the actor NOT to wear their clothing.
I can totally understand why A&F is not thrilled to have The Situation and his pals wearing their upscale, mod, chic styles. A&F appeals to the young, but the company does not necessarily want everyone within a certain age bracket donning their apparel. Their clothing sends a message, sets a tone, and says something about the wearer. The Jersey Shore crew are not the typical customers or image A&F wishes to project.
A marketing guru-genius came up with the idea to pay The Situation NOT to wear A&F clothes. A&F, The Situation, the other actors and the Jersey Shore show have all garnered gobs of publicity.
So I have an offer I hope A&F finds irresistible.
Pay me not to wear A&F clothing.
Why me, you might ask?
·         A&F appeals to the young and hip. I am not young or hip, although I do have ample hips.
·         I doubt A&F wants to project an image of the typical A&F customer as an over-the-hill sixty-plus-one grandmother of four.
·         I do not have an A&F body. My arm flab can serve as a fan during the hottest weather. My bust is abundant, but without adequate support hangs low. My waist disappeared years ago and I have yet to find it again. My butt sags. My legs have visible veins, lines, and all kinds of weird marks on them. I am not complaining, but just want to emphasize to A&F that my body is not exactly an ideal model for their clothes.
·         I am an excellent candidate for A&F’s payroll: I am a hard worker, easy to get along with, a quick learner and willing to negotiate price and any other issues.
·         I am available immediately.
·         If I do not hear from the company in the next couple of weeks I will (reluctantly) plan a shopping trip to the nearest A&F store. It will be grueling to squeeze my body into some of their skimpy items, but I am always willing to accept a challenge. I will make sure the item(s) have the A&F logo writ large, and will stride with pride up and down crowded streets, recreational areas, festivals – you name it, I will show the world what happens when the young, hip, fit and affluent become older, wider hipped, less fit and, whether affluent or not, age and change. Clothes hang one way on a 20 year old and differently on a 60 year old.
I will be happy to forward my resume, references and any other information to A&F. I look forward to hearing from their marketing people soon.


  1. Brilliant and funny idea. Need someone to strut your stuff with? I am available and so not their image. A&F may have started an alarming trend:))

  2. What a great idea...wish I'd thought of it!

  3. Heh heh. They will now be inundated by us not so youngsters, all because of YOU! :-)

  4. lol, good point. abercrombie and fitch